Stop Should-ing on Yourself!
Gosh, do I hear a lot of *shoulds* from my clients. It’s easy to get caught up comparing yourself to other people. Everyone else seems to be juggling it all and making it look so easy. You may feel as if you just aren’t measuring up. Ever had thoughts like these?
“I should be able to (meal plan, keep my house clean, stay on budget...).”
“I should stop watching so much TV.”
“I should really try to wake up earlier.”
“Why can’t I just…”
“What is wrong with me?!”
If so, you're not alone. *Shoulds* keep you in a state of obligation and dread. They keep you from creating a life that is fulfilling and authentic to yourself. When you're busy doing the things you think you *should* be doing, you miss out on what is truly important and what you deeply value!
Yeah, but what about the stuff I really SHOULD be doing?
Listed below are 4 question that can help you determine whether you’re stuck in unnecessary obligations. Next time you catch yourself in a *should* thought, ask yourself these 4 questions:
1 - Do I enjoy doing this?
2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have?
3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love?
4 - Does doing this line up with my values?
If you answer no to all four of these questions, take some time to consider why you feel like you “should” do it.
Let’s see this strategy in action if you answered NO:
The should: “Ughh, I should clean out that junk drawer. It’s so messy.”
Question 1 - Do I enjoy doing this? “No! Cleaning is the worst.”
Question 2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have? “Not really, I guess. I know where everything is and it doesn’t actually bother me that much but I *should* be able to keep the house clean and organized like other people.”
Question 3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love? “No. My roommate doesn’t care at all. They’ve actually been asking if I want to join them on a hike today. I just feel guilty doing something fun when it’s such a mess.”
Question 4 - Does doing this line up with my values? Actually, I value time with my friend on a hike way more than an organized junk drawer. I only have so much time in my day and I can’t do both.
The conclusion: Spend your time and energy on things that improve your life, line up with your values, and increase your happiness. There is NO RULE that says you have to keep your junk drawer organized. If it doesn’t bother you and you dread doing it, give yourself permission to let it go. Go on the hike and ditch the guilt.
What if I answer YES to one of the questions?
When you answer yes to one of these questions, take a moment to gain some clarity on why it’s important and then reframe your thought. There is so much research about the neuroplasticity of the brain and the power of reframing and positive thinking.
The Reframe
The should: “Ughh, I should clean out that junk drawer. It’s so messy.”
Question 1 - Do I enjoy doing this? If you answer yes here, reframe your thought to “I’d really love to spend some time organizing that drawer today! I feel so amazing when my space is clean and organized.”
Question 2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have? If you answer yes, consider reframing your thought to “This gets me one step closer to my goal of a chaos-free home. I’ll thank myself when I’m done!”
Question 3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love? If you answer yes here, it can be helpful to reframe your thought to “I may not enjoy cleaning, but it really bothers my roommate. I don’t want to keep getting in fights about this. I want them to know I care.”
Question 4 - Does doing this line up with my values? If you answer yes to this question, a reframe could look like, “When my actions match my values, I feel my best. I want to honor my authentic self and take some time to finish this, even if it’s not my favorite.”
Reframing creates more positive, action-driven thoughts. Instead of feeling obligated, you may realize you actually have a deep desire to complete a task when it aligns with your values and goals. Challenge yourself to take *should* out of your vocabulary…especially in your thoughts. Reframe it or let it go…no strings attached.
If you're unsure of your personal values and goals or don't know how to reach them, schedule a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started. I can help you take the next steps toward the life you want.
“I should be able to (meal plan, keep my house clean, stay on budget...).”
“I should stop watching so much TV.”
“I should really try to wake up earlier.”
“Why can’t I just…”
“What is wrong with me?!”
If so, you're not alone. *Shoulds* keep you in a state of obligation and dread. They keep you from creating a life that is fulfilling and authentic to yourself. When you're busy doing the things you think you *should* be doing, you miss out on what is truly important and what you deeply value!
Yeah, but what about the stuff I really SHOULD be doing?
Listed below are 4 question that can help you determine whether you’re stuck in unnecessary obligations. Next time you catch yourself in a *should* thought, ask yourself these 4 questions:
1 - Do I enjoy doing this?
2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have?
3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love?
4 - Does doing this line up with my values?
If you answer no to all four of these questions, take some time to consider why you feel like you “should” do it.
Let’s see this strategy in action if you answered NO:
The should: “Ughh, I should clean out that junk drawer. It’s so messy.”
Question 1 - Do I enjoy doing this? “No! Cleaning is the worst.”
Question 2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have? “Not really, I guess. I know where everything is and it doesn’t actually bother me that much but I *should* be able to keep the house clean and organized like other people.”
Question 3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love? “No. My roommate doesn’t care at all. They’ve actually been asking if I want to join them on a hike today. I just feel guilty doing something fun when it’s such a mess.”
Question 4 - Does doing this line up with my values? Actually, I value time with my friend on a hike way more than an organized junk drawer. I only have so much time in my day and I can’t do both.
The conclusion: Spend your time and energy on things that improve your life, line up with your values, and increase your happiness. There is NO RULE that says you have to keep your junk drawer organized. If it doesn’t bother you and you dread doing it, give yourself permission to let it go. Go on the hike and ditch the guilt.
What if I answer YES to one of the questions?
When you answer yes to one of these questions, take a moment to gain some clarity on why it’s important and then reframe your thought. There is so much research about the neuroplasticity of the brain and the power of reframing and positive thinking.
The Reframe
The should: “Ughh, I should clean out that junk drawer. It’s so messy.”
Question 1 - Do I enjoy doing this? If you answer yes here, reframe your thought to “I’d really love to spend some time organizing that drawer today! I feel so amazing when my space is clean and organized.”
Question 2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have? If you answer yes, consider reframing your thought to “This gets me one step closer to my goal of a chaos-free home. I’ll thank myself when I’m done!”
Question 3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love? If you answer yes here, it can be helpful to reframe your thought to “I may not enjoy cleaning, but it really bothers my roommate. I don’t want to keep getting in fights about this. I want them to know I care.”
Question 4 - Does doing this line up with my values? If you answer yes to this question, a reframe could look like, “When my actions match my values, I feel my best. I want to honor my authentic self and take some time to finish this, even if it’s not my favorite.”
Reframing creates more positive, action-driven thoughts. Instead of feeling obligated, you may realize you actually have a deep desire to complete a task when it aligns with your values and goals. Challenge yourself to take *should* out of your vocabulary…especially in your thoughts. Reframe it or let it go…no strings attached.
If you're unsure of your personal values and goals or don't know how to reach them, schedule a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started. I can help you take the next steps toward the life you want.
Recent
Archive
Categories
no categories