Parents often come to me feeling helpless and devastated as they watch their child struggle with loneliness and self-doubt. They long for their child to have friends, feel confident, and just want them to be happy. Kids with ADHD often struggle to make and keep friends. Here are some of the most common struggles I hear from clients:

• They feel unwanted
• They’re trying to self-protect to avoid rejection
• They are inflexible
• They don’t like the other kids
• They’re shy or come on too strong
• They’re missing social cues
• Their social skills need improvement
• They have low self-esteem and negative self talk

While we can’t totally solve this problem for our kids (and boy do I wish we could), we can offer support and help them create an environment where relationships can thrive.

Get Educated.

Learn as much as you can about ADHD. Understanding the way your child is wired is vital. They frequently have tendencies to hyper-fixate, miss social cues, and experience greater feelings of rejection (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) than their peers without ADHD. These unique struggles hinder relationships and good self-esteem. CHADD.org and additudemag.com are amazing resources.

Get Curious.

Some kids only desire one really good friend while others long to be part of a friendship group. Knowing what would make them relationally fulfilled is really important. It can be easy to project our own feelings and assume we know, but it’s always more helpful to find out how your child feels.

How does your child feel about their friendships (or sometimes lack thereof)?
Do they feel liked and included?
What story are they telling themselves? (Nobody likes me, I’m weird, etc…)
What do they wish was different?
Which of the struggles listed above apply? Are there any other obstacles?

Set the Foundation.

Many kids with ADHD could benefit from working with someone to increase their self-esteem and improve their social skills. A credentialed ADHD coach is a great place to start. Look for someone that specializes in working with children and teens. Here’s an article about finding a great coach. I often see children self-sabotage due to low self-esteem or impulsive behavior. It’s crucial that your child gains clarity about what they want, improves their confidence and social skills, and has actionable steps to take. Parent coaching can be a helpful tool as well, especially if Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is in play.

Take A Step.

When your child is ready to take a step, here are some practical ways to find and nurture prospective friends. Be sure that your child is aware and in agreement every step of the way.

• Talk to your child’s teachers and school counselor. They may be able to connect your child with other students or keep a lookout for friendship opportunities.
• Join a club or sport that aligns with your child’s interests. Roblox, horse riding, legos, books, music, etc. Finding like-minded kids can be a great starting point since they can bond over their shared interest. There are many online groups available as well.
• Set up mini goals. For example, if you have a shy child, set a goal to compliment someone this week. Something as simple as “I like your shirt” can open a door and build confidence.
• Depending on age, consider intervening and setting up some play dates. One-on-one is usually ideal. Consider an activity rather than free-play for the first get together.
• Be a good friend to your child. Model how it looks and feels to be in a healthy relationship. Play a fun board game, go out for ice cream, go shopping, and be a safe space to share. Make sure they know they deserve to be treated with kindness and the importance of extending that kindness to others.

Resources

Why Will No One Play with Me? by Caroline Maguire

Friends: Making Them & Keeping Them by American Girl is great resource for girls in Elementary school or middle school (ages 7-13)


If you're ready to take the first step to work with a coach, book a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started! No strings attached.

Gosh, do I hear a lot of *shoulds* from my clients. It’s easy to get caught up comparing yourself to other people. Everyone else seems to be juggling it all and making it look so easy. You may feel as if you just aren’t measuring up. Ever had thoughts like these?

“I should be able to (meal plan, keep my house clean, stay on budget...).”

“I should stop watching so much TV.”

“I should really try to wake up earlier.”

“Why can’t I just…”

“What is wrong with me?!”

If so, you're not alone. *Shoulds* keep you in a state of obligation and dread. They keep you from creating a life that is fulfilling and authentic to yourself. When you're busy doing the things you think you *should* be doing, you miss out on what is truly important and what you deeply value!

Yeah, but what about the stuff I really SHOULD be doing?

Listed below are 4 question that can help you determine whether you’re stuck in unnecessary obligations. Next time you catch yourself in a *should* thought, ask yourself these 4 questions:

1 - Do I enjoy doing this?
2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have?
3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love?
4 - Does doing this line up with my values?

If you answer no to all four of these questions, take some time to consider why you feel like you “should” do it.

Let’s see this strategy in action if you answered NO:

The should: “Ughh, I should clean out that junk drawer. It’s so messy.”

Question 1 - Do I enjoy doing this? “No! Cleaning is the worst.”

Question 2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have? “Not really, I guess. I know where everything is and it doesn’t actually bother me that much but I *should* be able to keep the house clean and organized like other people.”

Question 3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love? “No. My roommate doesn’t care at all. They’ve actually been asking if I want to join them on a hike today. I just feel guilty doing something fun when it’s such a mess.”

Question 4 - Does doing this line up with my values? Actually, I value time with my friend on a hike way more than an organized junk drawer. I only have so much time in my day and I can’t do both.

The conclusion: Spend your time and energy on things that improve your life, line up with your values, and increase your happiness. There is NO RULE that says you have to keep your junk drawer organized. If it doesn’t bother you and you dread doing it, give yourself permission to let it go. Go on the hike and ditch the guilt.

What if I answer YES to one of the questions?

When you answer yes to one of these questions, take a moment to gain some clarity on why it’s important and then reframe your thought. There is so much research about the neuroplasticity of the brain and the power of reframing and positive thinking.

The Reframe

The should: “Ughh, I should clean out that junk drawer. It’s so messy.”

Question 1 - Do I enjoy doing this? If you answer yes here, reframe your thought to “I’d really love to spend some time organizing that drawer today! I feel so amazing when my space is clean and organized.”

Question 2 - Is this necessary to get me closer to a goal I have? If you answer yes, consider reframing your thought to “This gets me one step closer to my goal of a chaos-free home. I’ll thank myself when I’m done!”

Question 3 - Is this negatively impacting me or someone I love? If you answer yes here, it can be helpful to reframe your thought to “I may not enjoy cleaning, but it really bothers my roommate. I don’t want to keep getting in fights about this. I want them to know I care.”

Question 4 - Does doing this line up with my values? If you answer yes to this question, a reframe could look like, “When my actions match my values, I feel my best. I want to honor my authentic self and take some time to finish this, even if it’s not my favorite.”

Reframing creates more positive, action-driven thoughts. Instead of feeling obligated, you may realize you actually have a deep desire to complete a task when it aligns with your values and goals. Challenge yourself to take *should* out of your vocabulary…especially in your thoughts. Reframe it or let it go…no strings attached.

If you're unsure of your personal values and goals or don't know how to reach them, schedule a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started. I can help you take the next steps toward the life you want.

If you've ever thought to yourself, “I’ll put that away in a minute” and then a week later that *thing* is still on the counter, you’re in good company. Most people diagnosed with ADHD have a hard time staying organized. If you’re stuck in the mile-high-pile cycle, give some of these tips a try!

Problem 1 - You have too much stuff.

THE FIX - You can’t make a mess with items you don’t have, so get rid of things you don’t want or need anymore. Ask yourself…do I need this? Does it enhance my life? Be honest with yourself and don’t fall into the *someday I might need this* trap. Keep a box somewhere easy to get to for items you want to donate. Challenge yourself to find 1 item every day that can be tossed into the box (or thrown away) and then drop it off at a local charity center once a week.

Problem 2 - It doesn’t have a home.

THE FIX - Take some time to decide where everything goes. Start with one cabinet or drawer and do this in bite size pieces so it’s not too overwhelming. Get drawer organizers, use a label maker, and be specific about where EVERYTHING goes! If an item doesn’t have a place, find one or toss it in the donate box!

Problem 3 - It’s a pain to put back.

The Fix - Take note of things you’ve avoiding putting away. Now get curious. Is it difficult to put away? For example, does it go in a bin that has 3 other bins stacked on top? If so, consider adding shelves so each bin is easy to get to and not in a stack. You can even remove the lid to the bin so you can avoid that step too! Remove barriers that are making it difficult to put away!

Problem 4 - You just don’t feel like it.

THE FIX - Identify your WHY. Why do you care about having an organized house? Does someone you live with complain and you’re tired of arguing about messes? Are you always late because you can’t find that thing you’re looking for? If you can remember why, you’re much more likely to take a moment to put it where it belongs.

When all else fails, imagine future you thanking current you. No huge mess that will take hours to clean up. Just a quick minute to put it away and always knowing where to find. it. Imagine how good it will feel once you’re done!


If you're ready to take the first step toward the life you want, book a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started!

Narrow it down with the right credentials.

Did you know coaching is currently an unregulated field? This means anyone can call themselves a coach with absolutely no training or expertise. To say the least, there are a lot of unqualified people claiming to be professional coaches. When you’re looking for an ADHD coach, look for these two qualifications:

1. A coach with ADHD-specific training
2. A coach who has graduated from an ICF accredited school or has their ICF certification. (More about the ICF below)

The International Coaching Federation (ICF) is the gold standard for coach certification. The ICF has a strict code of ethics and standards and ensures that your coach has been professionally trained and has had adequate mentorship. You can read more about the ICF on their website (https://coachingfederation.org).

Book a few complimentary calls.

Most coaches offer a free introductory call. This is a great opportunity to see if your personalities jive well together. Do you feel safe to share? Do you feel heard and understood? Is the coach talking over you? It can be really helpful to book 3-4 of these calls to see which coach feels like the best fit. Some clients prefer a very laid-back coach while others want someone very direct and blunt. It’s like trying on different pairs of jeans…you’ll know when the fit is just right.

Questions to ask a prospective coach:

What ADHD training do you have?
Did you attend an ICF accredited school or do you have your ICF certification?
What clientele do you generally work with?
What does a typical session look like?
What is my role during and between sessions?
What coaching packages do you offer and what are your rates?

Commit!

Once you find the right coach, it’s time to take the next step and commit! Coaching is like exercise. If you do it once, you’ll absolutely get some benefit but it takes time and consistency to create lasting change. Once you start the process and begin to see positive changes and success, you’ll be glad you took the plunge! You'll probably wish you had started even sooner.

If you're ready to take the first step toward the life you want, book a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started!

With so many resources for managing ADHD, why would anyone hire a coach? There are plenty of books, blogs and YouTube channels. There are tips and tricks all over the internet for free. If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’ve probably tried dozens of these strategies over the years. New planners, sticky notes, calendar reminders, phone apps and sheer willpower. Often these new systems work at first, but then you find yourself back in the same old patterns. Again.

If googling for solutions was going to help, then why hasn’t it helped by now? It’s easy to blame yourself for not being consistent or trying hard enough. But in my experience as an ADHD coach, most of my clients are exhausted from years and years of trying. Lack of effort is rarely the issue. There is always more to it than meets the eye.

You have unique values and obstacles that must be explored and uncovered. You have old limiting beliefs that are holding you back. The coaching process is a journey of self discovery. There is no shortcut. No book, blog, or YouTube video can get to the root of your unique strengths and struggles. A professionally trained coach will walk along side you to find strategies that work for YOU. Strategies that are effective and sustainable.

My clients usually uncover new awarenesses within the first few sessions. They reach goals they’ve been trying to reach for months or even years. So, is a coach worth the investment? Only if you’re ready to change your life.

If you're ready to take the first step toward the life you want, book a free introductory call with me at https://arrowcoachingnw.com/book-your-free-consultation to get started!